woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
