Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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