My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize