At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
