I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
