"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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