Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
