his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
