I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
