I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
