i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
