i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
