Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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