dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
