its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize