If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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