So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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