he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
