If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
