Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
