Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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