Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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