two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
