But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
