Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
