at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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