Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
