I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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