We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
