I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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