If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
jump out the window naked night went bad
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
