I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
