His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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