just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
