pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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