saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
