i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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