someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
