Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
