I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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