What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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