took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
