I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
