Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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