I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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