She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Randomize