dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just high enough for therapy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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