thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
that may or may not have been my penis.
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