Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
