she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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