Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
