I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize