break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
