She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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