is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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