she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
