oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
