Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
