Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
