College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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