So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
