don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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