I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
