did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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